(A Few Common Sense Tips)
For those of you who aren’t used to driving in snow, here are a couple of tips from a pro. (I grew up in Chicago).
- Throw a couple of dead bodies in your trunk. The dead weight will prevent you from skidding. If you can’t find a dead body or are if you are too squeamish to handle one yourself, you can substitute a couple of sandbags, but trust me, it’s not the same.
- Whatever you do, don’t step on the brake! When you do, you are 323% more likely to skid. Shift to low gear. If there’s a car in front of you, swerve to avoid it.
- Avoid driving next to people who are not from: Alaska, Maine, Colorado, New Hampshire, Minnesota, Montana, Vermont, Michigan, or similarly situated state. If they don’t have a window open, assume they are not from one of these states.
- If you see a license plate from Georgia or Alabama, pull off the road immediately! Let them crash into someone else.
- Throw an extra blanket in the trunk. If you get stuck while driving the kids to or from basketball or hockey, at least you’ll know you won’t freeze. Or, you don’t have children, you and your significant other can head straight for the nearest snow bank, but be warned–you’ll be driving to and from hockey practice soon enough.
- Remember—it’s only two inches. It’ll be gone in no time.